I wish I could say that at this point I was loving KC, but I can't. I love my roommate more than anything. She is my partner in crime. But we have such off schedules I see her very rarely. And I think that is one of the reasons I am not enjoying my time in KC. Let's start from the beginning
I got my new job. I loved it at first. I still love the kids and teaching but I don't love preschool and I definitely don't love Canterbury. I think they could be a wonderful school if they took the time to focus on being a school filled with great teachers and focused on teaching and excelling. But they don't. They have staff that needs to not being working there. They have administrators that sit on facebook and shop all day online when they should be monitoring staff and making sure classrooms and teachers have the materials they need. For the first month I worked there we had no copier and many other supplies we were with out. I feel like a home daycare instead of a school. In the respect of supplies it has gotten better and that is the least of my worries. What worries me the most is I can't trust anyone there. I haven't made friends. I love Emily (the co-teacher next door to my room) but she is married with a daughter. Everyone on my side of the building is married and older. Everyone on the other side is my age but I never see them. Therefore I have made no friends. I have made friends for while I'm at work but not outside of work. I also am flat out not happy there. I have never had a job where I am miserable. This is definitely that job. I never quit what I start but I feel like that is coming on soon. They don't let you have days off. If you are sick you will get a strike. They tried to give me a strike when I was gone for two days and had a doctors note. But I got out of that way. They give you three strikes and you are either fired or go on your 90 days. For gosh sakes we are a preschool we are going to get sick. I can't make doctors appointments to get better so I just get worse and finally get to the point where I can't move and need either a doctor or hospital. To me this isn't write. Even public school teachers can take a day off if they are sick or get a sub for a doctors appointment. Not here. And we don't have holidays or snow days. We get Christmas off and a few other major holidays but we are open on Christmas eve until 6, new years eve and day, etc. If it were to snow really bad.... we don't close. I'm not sure I can handle that. Every person needs a break every so often.
The other really sneaky crappy thing they did was after we all went out to recess on friday they put notes in our kids cubbies for the parents without telling the teachers. They are trying to keep the information from us. You see on Friday the grade school.... 14/24 kids were gone. 4 more went home throughout the day with fevers of over 102. All of our classrooms have between 20-24 kids. I found out that 2 other classrooms on the other side of the building had only 8 of their 24 kids. All home sick with fevers and flu. Well what our administrators have yet to tell us is that there have been multiple H1N1 cases and flu cases in the school. I found this out because I got blindsided by a mad parent today about the note that said this in the cubbies. I think it is absolutely wrong to not inform your staff.
Another reason I want to leave.... they don't support me going to grad school. They said from the beginning they would because I would need to take time off for observations and field work. Now they don't. also today my co-teacher comes in the room after she had been helping for an hour in another room and says it's your turn. She meant I needed to go help in the other room. Well I ask the admin why. He says he made the decision that he needs the senior teacher to be in the room alone not me. I said well there is no difference between us. We are both hired as lead teachers. He said my senior superior staff is more responsible and need to be in the classroom alone. He told me I was not capable of handling a classroom alone. Well how convenient when I was 4 over ratio on Friday and it was okay for me to be alone. I later find out that he and my co-teacher think I'm not capable of taking care of the boy in our room with autism. EXCUSE ME. but I had 7 children with disabilities 3 with autism in my classroom at KU. I did find. Special Education is a huge part of my undergrad.
GRRRR I am still so upset and mad that he told me I'm worthless and he doesn't trust me and i'm not capable of handling children alone or teaching. Why the hell did I get hired then. And I have more education in this field than him or my co-teach. Which by the way my co-teacher is his best friend. If you want to treat your staff like this they won't stay. Because I give my heart and sole to my job and don't deserve to be treated like that! This has happened on multiple occasions. Are they all intimidated by me because of how much training and education I have? They lady that is suppose to be our child advocate lady that deals with the special needs child and such has only a high school diploma. She has no clue what she is talking about 90% of the time. When I made a suggestion I get in trouble!!!
Okay I'm done that just gets me worked up and no one wants to read that. If you made it through that I applaud you. can you tell it's been a really bad day.
As for school..... teaching elementary students is what I want to do. It's just a frustrating path to get there. Again I have made friends there but no one outside of the classroom (except Betsy and another melissa.... they went to KU and are wonderful). We don't hang out oustide but I know they would be there if I needed help.
Whoever thought it would be okay to do full time school and full time work is crazy.... oh wait that is me. That is why I keep getting so burnt out and emotional. I am tired all the time and stressed all the time! I need to cut back... just not sure how. I cried tonight over grad school for the first time. My professor lost my paper. This is a big deal to me because I was really sick the night of class so e-mailed it like she said I could. I asked her next class if she got it. She said yes. I asked if she wanted a hard copy. She said no I already printed it and it's ready to be graded. That was 2 weeks ago. she handed out papers tonight and asked who didn't get one. I said me.... she said she never got mine. She is full of shit and no one likes her. But it was really upsetting. At least I have proof. Just wish the head of the department wasn't my worthless advisor.
So back to not enjoying KC...... I go to work at 7:30am get home around 9pm after going to school as well and do homework and go to bed. If I'm lucky it will be a game weekend and I will get a glimps of my friends. I miss KU, I miss my friends.
I miss randomly calling friends for ice cream or dinner. I like random hang out times after band, I miss zima thursday, I miss marching band, I miss late night studying with friends either at the library or when I was in politics at hash. I miss it all. Most of all I miss my friends and the social interaction.
I not only cried tonight because I was so frustrated at this professor but because of how much I miss my friends and lawrence. I read everyones status and I get sad because I can't be there to enjoy those moments. I couldn't be in the band office today to congratulate Kristen and Kyle. I couldn't be around to do wing night a week or so ago, I haven't been able to make it to zima thursday. It just blows. I will get over it. Everyone moves on. But more than anything right now I need my friends. I would list the friends but I don't want to forget anyone.
Alumni band last weekend was amazing. I got to joke around with the trumpets like old times. I got to fight with mason and tell him how much I hated him like old times. I got 500 Happy Birthday from my trumpets, I got to hang out with scott, jackie, and Kelly!!! I think going to the games every weekend is what keeps me going. Getting the small glimps of KU band and my friends and getting a hug helps a lot!
I just wish I had more time to be me and do fun things. But I don't.
This post wasn't suppose to be about frustration and pity party and how much I am hating it but it turned into it. I'm sorry if you read all this. Thank you for reading it. It means a lot. I just needed to get it out and had no one to call.
I'll try to write more often and include happy stuff and not so sappy stuff. And then you won't have to read a long ass post!
Love you all! (if anyone even reads this lol)
CONGRATULATIONS KRISTEN AND KYLE ON GETTING ENGAGED!!!
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